Self-help books, coaching books, management books? They often promise a lot, yet little changes after reading them. Fortunately, that is not always true. Here is the tenth book that has given me direction. Both professionally and personally.

WE’LL SOLVE IT TOGETHER

This book is about entrenched patterns in collaboration with others. How do you truly resolve them? The book is highly recommended: it has had many reprints in many languages ​​for good reason.
When things go wrong between people, we actually spend too much time on what is literally said, and there is too little attention paid to the ‘why’ and ‘how’ we say things. Transactional Analysis shows us how this causes us to become entangled in those entrenched patterns. Through this book, you learn to look at the psychological layer beneath the words. What are we actually saying to each other when we don’t just take the dialogue literally? What messages are we sending out then? Are we playing games with each other? Are those actually healthy games? Surely there is a better way. And more effective.

Hay describes wonderfully practical models. She has the ability to make complex matters understandable. Her book is a must-read for professionals who find that they do not always succeed in getting people to move in the desired direction. Entrenched patterns in others—and certainly in ourselves as well—hold teams back from doing what is truly necessary.

In her book, Julie Hay explains useful models such as the five ego states (who within us is speaking), the OK quadrant, the drama triangle (and the associated winner’s triangle), the drivers & stoppers (what we expect of ourselves and what we are not allowed to do), and how to deal with positive and negative attention.

Give her a read: your insight into communication patterns will increase enormously. You will recognize how things get stuck, and Julie Hay shows you the way to break through that.